This is my first book – it’s all the first in a series of “Bad Days” for Ben…
Hi my name is Ben. I have a very bad life. You see, you’re probably thinking that you have very bad days, well mine is so terrible this story will blow your mind. After this you are going to think you have a great life. It all started on December 20th. Let me introduce you to my brother Finn. He is such a dork he always tries to scare me with his un-scary stories. He always tries to ruin my life. We were going out for a family dinner, stupid Finn had spilled spaghetti all over me when my Mum and Dad weren’t looking. So when I got home I had to have a bath and Finn was in the hallway grinning at me.
CHAPTER 1: MY ANNOYING FAMILY
So I am here today to tell you my about my annoying family. So I told you about my annoying brother Finn so I guess I should start by telling you about my Mum. My mum’s name is Samantha. She always wants me to do my boring homework – it’s the worst. Why can’t I just look on my phone all day like what cool kids do. And my dad Richard is only fun on holidays and he never gets me the present I want. Now I’m going to tell you about Aunty Rachel and Uncle Robert, they are probably the most annoying out of the whole family. They have a son named Luke. They also have a daughter named Brittany, they are both my cousins and Britney is a spoilt brat. Granny and grandad think I’m 4 years old. I’m 10 they should know their own grandson’s age.
Oh and even worse they are all coming to stay here for Christmas and I am not looking forward to it. They are all just going to be so annoying – why cant they be like normal people? This is not looking like its going to be a good Christmas. I really hope it turns into a good Christmas but at the moment it’s very unlikely.
CHAPTER 2: MY BEST FRIEND
Okay I am very briefly going to tell you about my best friend Freddie. He is the only thing good about this Christmas, without him my life would be boring, boring, boring but the only thing I don’t like about him is that he has a great life and I don’t. I can’t wait until I’m 20 years old because then I will be able to have peace and quiet but till then I’m going to have a terrible life.
CHAPTER 3: HELLO FAMILY
I am not looking forward to today because today is the day my family is coming to stay. They will be here any minute. We wait another two minutes and we are all together there is nothing to do. I was right this really is the worst Christmas ever and I can’t believe I’m the only one who hates this. Everyone else is screaming at the top of their lungs, they are so happy. All I want to do for Christmas is open my presents, watch movies, play Pac Man and Donkey Kong and that’s all I want to do. You’re probably wondering, ‘What’s so bad about my uncle and aunty?’ Well first of all they think I’m into sports when I have nothing to do with sports. I’m into video games, movies, cell phones…
My cousins are just dorks. My cousin Ralph is just disgusting, he picked his nose and put his booger in Aunty Rachel’s sandwich. I am not looking forward to opening Ralph’s present. Oh god he is coming over to see me, he says he wants me to open his gift early. Oh no I am not looking forward to this but I kind of want to see what he got me, so I opened it and it was a REMOTE CONTROL CAR. I have always wanted one. I can’t believe he got me a remote control car, this is awesome. Let’s start to use it. But surprise, the wheels don’t work. ‘Oh sorry, I put my boogers on it’, says Ralph.
My cousin Britney couldn’t care less about me. She thinks I’m a blockhead but it’s the other way around. Uncle Robert is not even cool, he is a terrible uncle. This Christmas is SO DREADFUL.
So now you know what’s so bad about my family. Plus I only get one hour screen time a day. When I have kids, they will get 10 hours screen time a day. But now I’m just stuck as a kid. Being a kid is the worst, you have to do chores like clean the dishes and pick up your dog’s poop. I haven’t told you that I have a dog named Harry. Harry is a naughty dog and he’s dirty. If I could have one wish it would be to have a better life. Finn is like the dumbest guy I know he doesn’t know how to unlock the door or tie his shoelaces and he’s 15 years old.
CHAPTER 4: CHRISTMAS EVE/SPORTS DAY
Remember how I said I hate sports, well guess what? I woke up and the whole family was playing basketball. And Harry the dog was barking. So I decided to play because the winner gets a full chocolate bar. Don’t laugh, but I am terrible at basketball because I haven’t played it before but I know how it works. I have got cousin Ralph on my side and cousin Brittney on my side and on the other side there is Mum, Dad, Uncle Robert and Aunty Rachel. My side is losing and stupid Britney has to blame it on me. I didn’t do anything. So now the game is over and I never thought this would happen but the kids won and now we get our chocolate bar, but sadly we have to share. Britney thinks she can get the first piece because she’s a girl and I say just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean you can have it all to you’re self and the stupid ralph picks his nose and puts it on the chocolate. When we were playing basketball Finn hit me in the face with his basketball and gave me a black eye. I think he was proud with himself I have never liked Finn he is unstoppable.
CHAPTER 5: CARNIVAL RIDES
Mum says that since its Christmas Eve she is going to take us to the fair so we can go on some carnival rides. Mum all gives us 30 bucks to eat stuff and ride on stuff. We head to the ice cream store and I buy a banana one with a cone but then the ice cream falls off. Then we go to the ghost train it scares the crap out of Ralph but I’m very brave I don’t get scared a bit. So we go ride on my favourite ride of all time, the Ferris wheel. I am very worried, do you want to know why? Because I am sitting next to Ralph and he is definitely going to vomit. So now we are starting to go up in the air, it’s going very slowly but then a very loud voice yells, ‘now put on your seatbelts because we are going to go really fast’. I was right, Ralph vomited all over me – so when we got home I had to have a shower and Finn was laughing so loud the whole neighbourhood could hear him. I have always wanted to get him back but I just can’t. It’s like he knows what I’m going to do and he stops me from doing it.
CHAPTER 6: MY REVENGE
I am now trying to get my revenge on Finn. I have no idea what my revenge will be, so I go over to my friend Freddie to see if he knows anything to do to get him back. But he only can think of really stupid things to do like call him a butt head. So then I go home and I see him in his room and he is talking about how he loves his computer so much so now I have the idea for the perfect revenge. I wait until he leaves his room to go to dinner. I quietly go downstairs and I very quietly put it in the water when he isn’t looking. Then after dinner he goes up to his room and his computer isn’t there so then he comes back downstairs and it’s in the water but then mum ruins my revenge and she says, ‘well we were going to give you a brand new computer for Christmas so we can give it to you now’. But luckily I have a better idea, I set my alarm clock to wake me up at 3 o clock in the morning – so then it wakes me up and I sneak into his room and I cut big holes in all of his clothes and in the morning he put his clothes on and you could see his belly button then he started to threatened to kill me. It is on like Donkey Kong!
So he chases me down the hallway and on to the street but then mum comes and yells, ‘What are you doing running on the streets at 6 am?’ She says, ‘you have to go back to bed for another two hours’ and then we walk back home and Finn says, ‘I’m going to get you for this Ben’. I actually can’t believe it. I finally got my revenge on him.
CHAPTER 7: BROTHER TIME
So mum comes up to us and says, ‘For the next hour I want you to have brother time together and have fun and hang out’. Then Finn says, ‘I don’t want to hang out with this dork’. But then mum says, ‘You two were very mean to each other and if you don’t get along cousin Brittney can get all your presents’. So I guess we have no choice but to learn to like each other for an hour – so he gives me a guitar lesson, he teaches me to play Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple but I couldn’t play guitar very well.
CHAPTER 8: OPENING PRESENTS
So its been an hour, so now we are going to open our presents so first I open my present from mum and dad and they get me a magic wand but it doesn’t even do magic. Then I open cousin Britney’s present for me it is a piece of paper that said MERRY CRISTMAS DORK.
That was the worst present yet. Then I open Uncle Robert and Aunty Rachel’s present, it is a football – remember I hate football, so I hate their present.
I open Granny and Grandad’s present and it’s a barbie doll. I don’t want a stupid barbie doll. Granny and Grandad think I’m 4 years old. And then I open my present from Finn it was a bass guitar, it isn’t such a good present but it’s the best one yet. So a couple of weeks later I got bass lessons and I turned out to be a really good bass player.
So now do you think you have a bad life? You probably don’t after that story and if you want to hear more Bens Bad Day stories… Ben’s Bad Day at Halloween is coming soon…